Dear Toronto Star

What will those crazy kooky kids think of next?  Smoking cigarettes? Having sex?

April Fool’s Day is just over 4 months away. I’ll charitably assume someone merely jumped the gun with this hyperventilating get-off-my-lawn pearl-clutcher about the “new culture of intoxication”, and isn’t sincerely peddling the notion that getting pissed at home prior to going out on the town is in anyway a ‘new phenomenon’. Still, just to be safe, I’d recommend ordering a Breathalyzer test and having security check his or her desk for funny smelling beverage containers–I mean, there has to be some explanation as to why anyone would purposely greenlight poorly-reasoned alarmist tripe like this.

Besottedly yours,

matttbastard

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