What Outer Wingnuttia Calls “Moderation” (or What Us Godless Liberals Call “Dumbassery”)

by matttbastard

DENOUNCE AND REJECT, EVUL LIBCOMMIES!!11

Shorter Jason Arvak: Supporters of health reform have no moral authority to dismiss wild-eyed ‘death panel’ smears because the New York Times (THE NEW YORK TIMES, MAN!) has, in the past, published op-eds by utilitarian philosopher Peter Singer.

BUH?!

Ok, ever hear of prison hooch? Get a garbage bag, fill it with fruit and sugar, add water,  seal and let fester in darkness for a few days and presto! A blindingly foul brew that will take the paint off a tractor.

*glug glug*

Anyway, quickly down about a fifth of that and maybe, just maybe, Arvak’s logic-free contentions might then begin to make sense.

No promises, though.

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard.

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Backlash to the Future

by matttbastard

In which right-wing propaganda merchants double down on the ZOMG POTUS = SCARY NEGRO!!!1 strategy:

Yep, as far as the wingnuts are concerned, it’s 1968 to infinity, kids — the permanent campaign perverted in a manner designed to shatter post-racial dreams that would make Tricky Dick proud.

Let’s just hope the consequences of this cynical ploy don’t prove deadly.

h/t Campus Progress, video courtesy Media Matters for America

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The New New Civil Rights Movement

by matttbastard

Is truly inspiring to see so many conservatives take a firm stand against racism. Truly.

Update: Via Antonia, oppressed white male Bill Wolfrum is mad as hell and isn’t going to take it any more:

We must fight. Today, a white male child will be born into an oppressive society where the color of his skin will only be a great advantage, not an incomprehensibly powerful advantage. That child will see that there is now extra competition out there between himself and his dreams. That child will be born into a society that – while understanding his cultural values and belief systems – will no longer automatically fearfully submit to them. That child will be destined for a life of dreams and promises that will only very likely be fulfilled. The guarantee is now gone, and we must get it back.

As they say, read the whole damn thing.

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“I know you’re into this transparency thing, but I don’t need to see your nipples!”

by matttbastard

Ok, after watching her razor-sharp performance last night at the annual White House Correspondents’ Association dinner, I’m now firmly convinced that Obama should totally dump Joe Biden at the local Amtrak station and bring aboard Wanda Sykes as running mate for his 2012 reelection bid–if only to FURTHER encourage brisk firearms sales in Real America (and stimulate teh Heartland’s moribund economy without direct government intervention!)

What?

Oh, come on — as if having a NEGRO LESBIAN FEMINIST in the White House (along with a dijon-loving Marxist) wouldn’t send the hyperparanoid teabagger set completely over the border into black helicopter/camouflage pajama country.

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Dear Wingnut Fuckhelmets

When Charles fucking Johnson is starting to sound like the voice of fucking reason, you need to step back a bit and do a little reflection. Your fucking party–your fucking MOVEMENT–is in complete shambles. And pinning your 2010 (and 2012) hopes on tapping the Jerry Springer wing of the party is, um, well, yeah (although the increasingly-ugly trailer-park feud between the Palins and the Johnstons makes for AWESOME daytime TV viewing–who says the GOP doesn’t give a steaming pile of elephant crap about the needs of unemployed American workers?)

In other words, less teabagging and unhinged black helicopter rhetoric, more rebuilding — y’all are gonna give Patrick Ruffini a fucking aneurysm.

Wait — what am I saying? Please, KEEP doing what you’re doing; me and my socialistcommiemaoistredistributionist fellow travellers can’t help but get off watching movement conservatism self-destruct in such a spectacularly absurd–and highly public–manner (also, fuck Patrick Ruffini). Seriously, who needs The Onion or SNL when you have Glenn Beck and Michele Bachmann bringin’ teh schadenfreude-infused lulz?

Of course, it all stops seeming so fucking funny when someone who isn’t in on the joke ends up taking things a bit too far and people end up, y’know, dying. Imagine that–words actually have meaning; actions have consequences. Would that y’all took your responsibility as thought leaders (snicker) seriously.

Yeah, and a dapple-gray pony clad in golden horseshoes.

hugs and handjobs,

matttbastard

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If Tennessee is the Buckle of the Bible Belt Then Utah is the Backside

by matttbastard

Well, isn’t this lovely:

The Utah House of Representatives will hear a controversial proposal that could hold physicians responsible for homicide if they perform abortions deemed illegal by the state.

Under current state law, abortion is allowed only in cases of rape or incest, if the fetus cannot survive outside the womb or is unlikely to survive, or to save the mother’s life or preserve her health.

Abortions that don’t meet any of those standards can result in third-degree felony charges.

Under House Bill 90, sponsored by Rep. Paul Ray, R-Clinton, physicians who perform illegal abortions could be charged with second-degree felony criminal homicide.

“In my opinion, illegal abortion is the same as murder,” Ray said. “This is the right step for Utah to take to protect the lives of unborn children, because they don’t have a voice.”

Note how it’s  the doctors who performed the “illegal” abortions potentially facing charges under this proposed new law, not the women who ‘contracted’ the “killing”. In a (perverse) sense, it’s almost gratifying to see the fetus fetishists explicitly affirm their belief that women are merely empty vessels that bear teh innocent baybees over to this mortal coil–boxes on a biological assembly line, if you will.

Which perhaps answers the question posed via IM by Sylvia/M (h/t):

“Will women be accomplices, then? Or scenes of the crime?”

Take action:

If you live in Utah or you want to send some strongly-worded letters to the Democrats in their House of Representatives about this bill, here’s the UT House websiteTell these representatives that doctors protecting women’s health is not an air quotation myth.

Update: Jill Miller Zimon  has compiled a plethora of info on this proposed anti-woman legislation. Go.

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I don’t think wingnuts should be anywhere allowed blog.

by matttbastard

DRJ, squatting at Patterico’s pad, plops out this wet, stinky turd-like nugget of what passes for insight deep in the bowels of Outer Wingnuttia, regarding Joe the Plumber War Correspondent’s recent, um, statement on the SCLM and its uber-treasonous war coverage:

I know this drives liberals crazy — they think we’re rednecks. Maybe we are but I love this guy.

No, we actually think you’re an idiot.  The fact that you unabashedly “love this guy” (and have apparently deluded yourself into believing that the Left is collectively pissing its Chinos over the subliterate fauxpulist wisdom of Samuel Joseph Wurzelbacher) perfectly illustrates precisely why we think you’re an idiot–and why you and your fellow travellers are all now irrelevant.

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Gaza Propaganda War: Let the Character Assassinations Begin

by matttbastard

Well, looks like Fox and co. have discovered this years Green Helmet Guy–and he’s *gasp* a communist Euro-weenie!

Yes,  Bob, this totally proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that ordinary people aren’t actually dying in Gaza (shorter Lawhawk: “the chest compressions were produced on a computer in a Times New Roman typestyle that would not have been available in a war zone”).  Israel is (reluctantly!) using top sekrit SMRT ordinance that only explodes upon hitting Teh Bad Guyz.  Any evidence to the contrary should by default be dismissed as fauxtography mass-produced in Hamas’ secret underground lair (and people wonder why Israel continues to bar the international press from entering the strip…).

Fuck’s sake, it really is 2006 all over again–only the burning stupid engulfing Greater Wingnuttia is now a raging inferno.  They deserve to have their simplistic bizarro-worldview clumsily affirmed by Joe the War Correspondent.

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Dear New York Times

Dude, c’mon.  Citing National Review propagandist Andrew C. McCarthy as an ‘expert’ in an article on the future of  US terror detention policy under Obama? That Andrew C. McCarthy–the one who infamously labelled Obama’s political philosophy as being “more Maoist than Stalinist”?

Maybe it’s my deep-seated liberal bias, but, to me, saying that someone who gamely tried to peddle the not-quite-as-batshit-as-Obama-spawn-of-Malcolm-X rumour that Ayers  ghostwrote Obama’s memoir is merely “a former federal prosecutor who has generally supported the Bush administration’s approach to fighting terrorism” is rather misleading, to say the least.

I mean, really — imbuing this hacktacular right-wing conspiracy-theorist with anything resembling mainstream legitimacy would be akin to granting someone like, oh, say, William Kristol a prominent spot on the Times’ opinion page.

Oh, wait…

Well, at least this proves once and for all that there’s next-t0-nothing that one can be spectacularly, brilliantly so-wrong-that-it-fucking-stings about that will automatically disqualify them from ever being taken seriously by the puddle-deep gliberati of the MSM–just as long as one continues mingling at the right social events and dutifully paying his or her publicist.

cynically yours,

matttbastard

P.S. Here’s hoping y’all don’t pick Jerome Corsi to be Billy K’s token wingnut replacement.

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