Um, To Be Brainwashed, I Believe One First Has To Have A BRAIN.

by matttbastard

If Toronto City Councillor Giorgio Mammoliti wasn’t real, some enterprising young sketch comedian would have to invent him (and subsequently cash in on the character with a marginally enjoyable initial feature length smash, followed by a lackluster sequel):

Councillor Giorgio Mammoliti has launched a Facebook site designed, he says, to give voice to the silent majority of working-class Torontonians who don’t have time to speak out at all-night City Hall meetings alongside layabouts and “communists.


“I don’t want to hear from communists,” he said. “I won’t be calling them communists on the site, but I will be using the word ‘whatever’ to reply to them. If you see that word you can be pretty sure they’re a communist and I’ll be cutting them off of the site.”

In the 1980s, Mr. Mammoliti served as a leader for the Canadian Union of Public Employees. Later, he served as an MPP for the NDP, where he became something of a pariah for opposing same-sex benefits.

“That’s where I learned how communists smell,” he said. “They are the ones who tried to brainwash me then at a younger age. It was 25 years ago. I know how they think and feel and speak. I just don’t have the time for them. Their attempt to brainwash me back then didn’t work then and won’t work now.”

He maintains a broad definition of the term “communist” as “anyone who is able to work, doesn’t want to work and wants everything for free,” he said.

Now, it’s been a while since I’ve thumbed through my dogeared paperback copy of the Communist Manifesto, but I don’t seem to recall that passage in Marx & Engels’ historical dialectic. Also, exactly what DOES a communist smell like —  stale clove cigarette smoke and cappuccino infused with the distinctly musky odor of desperate proletarian zeal? Regardless, it seems painfully clear that poor wittle Giorgio has been utterly traumatized by the unfortunate time he spent captive in the Ontario NDP’s Pinot Grigio Gulag.

So, fellow Canuckistanian Progressicommie comrades, how about we pry our lazy duffs from the leather sofa and chip in a few loonies to help poor wittle Giorgio thoroughly insulate his precious cranium from further Marxist mind-control attempts:

It takes a brave, bold, forward-thinking individual to stand firm with the ever-ignorant Silent Majority against Toronto’s Red Menace of worthless layabouts and freeloaders angling to topple the tinpot regime of Rob Ford; seems only fair that this faithful champion is properly dressed for battle.

Mammoliti image: alienbeatpoet, flickr

3 thoughts on “Um, To Be Brainwashed, I Believe One First Has To Have A BRAIN.

  1. There are all kinds of things we could do to help poor Georgio, but one that comes to mind and won’t require him to start sniffing around us doggie-style has already been invented.
    When the US invaded Iraq (if you have the opportunity, pls mention casually to Georgio that it’s pronounced “Eye-rack;” that way he can prove his bona fides as a serious player of right-wing pocket pool – but I digress), the armed forces were issued with a pack of playing cards that feature the 52 most wanted Baathists. Get it?
    I hereby volunteer myself to create just such a deck of cards all about Canuckistani Commies. Brilliant, eh? At the moment, I and all my friends, neighbours and local business people will take up the first five spots; none of us are working, eh? The rest are up for grabs and I’m sure we can find lots more in short order.
    Look how easy it was for Senator McCarthy!!!
    This handy little device will make Georgio’s job so much easier. All he has to do is pull out his deck whenever he meets someone new. If they’re a Commie, he’ll know right away. No embarrassing sniffing required.
    Please forward my suggestion to his FB page: I can’t find it.
    Anyway I’m off for my post-mid-afternoon nap (no government cheque in the mail today).


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