Time to Get Kenny Loggins Out of Retirement.

by matttbastard

First they came for the “queers” [sic], then they came for the (apparently heterosexual) Baptist kid trying to take his freakin’ girlfriend to her freakin’ prom:

A student at a fundamentalist Baptist school that forbids dancing, rock music, hand-holding and kissing will be suspended if he takes his girlfriend to her public high school prom, his principal said.

Despite the warning, 17-year-old Tyler Frost, who has never been to a dance before, said he plans to attend Findlay High School’s prom Saturday.

Frost, a senior at Heritage Christian School in northwest Ohio, agreed to the school’s rules when he signed a statement of cooperation at the beginning of the year, principal Tim England said.

The teen, who is scheduled to receive his diploma May 24, would be suspended from classes and receive an “incomplete” on remaining assignments, England said. Frost also would not be permitted to attend graduation but would get a diploma once he completes final exams. If Frost is involved with alcohol or sex at the prom, he will be expelled, England said.

Frost’s stepfather Stephan Johnson said the school’s rules should not apply outside the classroom.

“He deserves to wear that cap and gown,” Johnson said.

Sez P.Z. Meyers:

I also think the school has stepped way out of bounds when it tries to control activities well outside the domain of the school itself. But sure, go ahead and act like repressive tyrants — Mr Frost may well go looking for a more tolerant religion, or will perhaps leave that body of superstition altogether.

Oh, and just in case you thought this couldn’t get any more like a bad Footloose remake:

The handbook for the 84-student Christian school says rock music “is part of the counterculture which seeks to implant seeds of rebellion in young people’s hearts and minds.”

Speaking as an apostate survivor of a rigid private Baptist high school (c’mon, don’t act so shocked), I can attest from personal experience that these sorts of rock-hatin’, boogie-fearin’ true believers really DO hate us for our sweaty, high-decibel freedoms–and ‘us’ constitutes an increasingly expansive category.

Regardless, whatever you do, always remember the following words of incitement from anti-authoritarian negro hedonist George Clinton: “Free your mind and your ass will follow.”

For srs — just ask iconic Midwestern dance floor rebel Kevin Bacon:

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4 thoughts on “Time to Get Kenny Loggins Out of Retirement.

  1. I think my video was better. :)

    I’m thinking young Mr. Frost should treat expulsion from an authoritarian, medieval, intolerant congregation as a form of liberation.

    Oh yeah… I hope his public school girlfriend follows through and leaves him in steeped in carnal splendor.

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  2. Speaking as an apostate survivor of a rigid private Baptist high school (c’mon, don’t act so shocked), I can attest from personal experience that these sorts of rock-hatin’, boogie-fearin’ true believers really DO hate us for our sweaty, high-decibel freedoms–and ‘us’ constitutes an increasingly expansive category.

    That is the most hopeful thing I have read in a very long time. To think that you not only escaped but have spent so much of your talent and energy to to highlight this dangerous shift in our society is truly beyond admirable.

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  3. My all time favorite joke: Why won’t Baptists f*ck standing up? It might lead to dancing.

    As told to me by a Baptist grandmother with a wicked sense of humor.

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  4. Speaking as an apostate survivor of a rigid private Baptist high school (c’mon, don’t act so shocked)

    (shocked)–but it does explain a lot, Mattt. :P

    Seriously, I hold dumbass puritans directly accountable for a lot of people hating Christianity. Countless, countless years in purgatory for those people, Mattt… where they will be forced to read all those “Left Behind” books and listen to “Christian rock”–it’ll be some fearsome punishment alright.

    Sorry they tortured you, my friend.

    PS: And Kevin Bacon used a body double for that, just like Jennifer Beals in FLASHDANCE…

    Like

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