Shorter Stephane Dion

by matttbastard


“Chill the fuck out, guys — I (finally) got the hang of this leadership thing.”

Update: If there were any lingering doubts that CTV is nothing but a a propaganda organ for the Conservative Party of Canada…

Update 2: With all that said, I gotta agree with pogge and Steve V.: the inexplicable delay and unbelievably bad production values of the Dion response was unforgivably amateur hour and undermined Dion’s substantive victory. Thanks to the fashionable tardiness of the tape, a good part of the country didn’t even have the opportunity to see Dion plead his case. The more things change…

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Shorter Stephen Harper

by matttbastard

Saving Canada from devilish deals since 2008

“Ok, so my sweater-vest was in the wash, and I didn’t have anything new to say–but hopefully my soothing Polka-Dot Door voice was enough to distract the Canadian people away from the fact that the historical record isn’t exactly on my side.”

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Ethics Smethics

by matttbastard

Novakula, Prince of Darkness, appears to be petulantly nursing a grudge like Phil Anselmo nurses a 40 of Jack Daniels:

I’d go full speed ahead because of the hateful and beastly way in which my left-wing critics in the press and Congress tried to make a political affair out of it and tried to ruin me. My response now is this: The hell with you. They didn’t ruin me. I have my faith, my family, and a good life. A lot of people love me — or like me. So they failed. I would do the same thing over again because I don’t think I hurt Valerie Plame whatsoever.

But, as Ben Armbruster at Think Progress notes:

…Plame was “hurt” because of Novak’s column — she no longer has a career as a covert CIA agent. Moreover, Plame has said that she feared for her and her family’s lives after Novak revealed her identity.

But Novak ignores the point that Plame’s outing had broader national security implications. In fact, Plame’s CIA job was to stop Iran from acquiring nuclear weapons and as one former senior intelligence officer put it, the leak made “it harder for other CIA officers to recruit sources.”

Yeah, fuck piffle like Plame’s livelihood or national security. There are more important things at stake here. Like crazyglueing Robert Novak’s fragile-as-an-eggshell professional ego.

Hey, don’t worry, Bob — at least Travis Tritt understands your pain, and has some heartfelt advice on how to move on.

h/t Mustang Bobby

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Something Stinks (And it’s Not Stockboy’s Wetsuit)

by matttbastard

Stockwell Day: the only person on earth who sucks at bullshitting more than Lindsay Lohan does:

The Bloc rebutted Harper’s criticisms, claiming that in 2000 then-Canadian Alliance leader Stockwell Day, now Harper’s trade minister, had proposed a coalition with the BQ the day after the Liberals under Jean Chretien won.

“My DNA would never allow me to do a deal with the socialists and my heart would never allow me to do a deal with the separatists,” Day said, claiming he never saw or heard about the document until last night.

Day dared the Bloc to repeat its allegations outside the House, where MPs are not protected against accusations of libel by privilege.

“Maybe he was dreaming this, but for me and Canadians this would have been a nightmare,” Day said.

But minutes later, a BQ official handed out the letter sent by Day.

It proposed “a new consensus government” that would be led by “Stockwell Day as Prime Minister of Canada.”

It referenced talks that had been held on ministers’ jobs, a speech from the throne, and what support the BQ would provide, as well as Joe Clark, then-leader of the PC party.

Come on now, let’s not jump to any conclusions. Maybe Stockboy had a heart transplant in the interim. Hey, I’m trying to be charitable here.

Related: More from the Globe and Mail on the 2000 Canadian Alliance separatist-wooing coalition plot, which, as reporter Daniel LeBlanc dryly notes, “undermines the Harper government’s line this week that it would never sign a deal like the current one between the Liberal Party, the NDP and the Bloc.” Make sure to check out this PDF copy of the letter that Stockboy so glibly dismissed as a kooky BQ fever dream (before reality viciously woke him up with a slap upside the head).

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Dear Corporate Media Assbuckets

Yes, Virginia, they DO get paid for this horseshit.

Using talk radio as a bellwether for broader public sentiment is only a slightly less ridiculous practice than citing the results of online polls like they’re actually quantifiable.  Seriously — did you neglect to read Guy Giorno’s email last week? Y’know, the one y’all mysteriously “obtained” (and dutifully published) that instructed Harpercon fellow travellers to flood the airwaves and the internet with Blue kool-aid?

Anyone? Bueller?

luv and handjobs,


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Wanker of the Day: Skating on Thin Ice Edition

by matttbastard

Keep your stick on the ice, tough guy.

Dallas Stars forward (and overpaid dipshit goon) Sean Avery:

“I am really glad to be back in Calgary, I love Canada,” Avery said after requesting the media to gather around him for a statement after the morning skate. “I just want to comment on how it’s become like a common thing in the NHL for guys to fall in love with my sloppy seconds. I don’t know what that’s about. Enjoy the game tonight.”

The “sloppy seconds” Avery was apparently referring to is ex-girlfriend (and 24 star) Elisha Cuthbert, who is now dating Calgary Flames defenseman Dion Phaneuf.


Thankfully, the NHL swiftly responded last night to Avery’s sexist douchebaggery, indefinitely suspending him pending a hearing with league commissioner Gary Bettman.

Also, good on the Stars organization for supporting the suspension:

“Had the league not have suspended him, the Dallas Stars would have,” team owner Tom Hicks said in a statement. “This organization will not tolerate such behavior, especially from a member of our hockey team. We hold our team to a higher standard and will continue to do so.”

Apparently there’s a new Avery Rule in the NHL: don’t “wave your lumber” at the expense of women–and check your bitter misogyny at the arena door.

Related: More on Avery from Toronto Star sports columnist Damien Cox, who wonders if “there’s a little bit of Mike Tyson in Sean Avery,” compares the “misogynistic outburst” to infamous remarks made by former Atlanta Braves pitcher John Rocker, and finally declares that “Avery is gradually moving towards David Frost pariah-like status. Maybe he can blog on Frost’s new website [links added-mb].” Oh, snap!

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