by matttbastard
The most dangerous band in Wiltshire is…Babyshambles?!
Singer Pete Doherty has been blocked from performing at a music festival amid fears his band would “gee up” the crowd into a dangerous frenzy.
The decision came after police asked an intelligence officer to research Doherty’s band, Babyshambles, who were booked to headline Moonfest festival in Westbury, Wiltshire, next week. They concluded that the band’s tendency to “speed up and then slow down the music” could create a “whirlpool effect” and spark disorder.
[…]
…Superintendent Paul Williams said the ban was designed to preserve public safety. “Experts are telling us that the profile of fans that follow Pete Doherty and Babyshambles is volatile and they can easily be whipped up into a frenzy, whereas the profile of someone that would follow around Cliff Richard or Bucks Fizz, for example, is completely different.”
Indeed–the list of boroughs that have suffered in the wake of the “whirlpool effect” (buh?!) are innumerable. Shifting dynamics are, without a doubt, a frenzy-inducing scourge on par with reefer, Elvis’ pelvis and running with scissors (paging the ghost of Sid Davis). Seriously, the only ‘threat’ posed by Pete Doherty is to any foliage within pissing-range of the backstage area (Cliff Richard, however, is, contra Superintendent Williams and his so-called “experts”, one bad-ass motherfucker).
bastard.logic 
Sometimes I wonder how the British take their place names seriously. I mean, come on. Westbury, Wiltshire? OF COURSE they’re worried about Pete Doherty. Anyone from a place called Wiltshire have never left the county–except maybe to venture up to Bristol, which would only put them off traveling for life.
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Hee.
They have darkies in Bristol.
And dub reggae.
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