Perhaps it won’t heal SJP’s pain, but The Boston Phoenix’s annual 100 Most Unsexiest Men of the Year list does offer some choice smackdowns on a number of decidedly ineligible dickheads (most of whom have likely read Maxim at least once in their lives–solely for the articles, of course).
Once accustomed to sloppy seconds, Michaels is now just sloppy: lumpy and oily, headband wound tight to cloak oddly shaped ears and rat’s-nest hair extensions. He resembles Goldie Hawn on steroids, or maybe a swollen bear cub tangled up in a camper’s leftover potty bandana.
They say after age 40, you get the face you deserve. And Gibson’s— smirking mouth of yellowy, Chiclet-sized teeth; sallow skin; beady eyes framed by unstylish glasses; hair a cross between that of a televangelist’s and Eraserhead’s — is the perfect match for his twisted personality. It’s not that the Fox News host is conservative; it’s that he’s a prick.