The Rhinos have returned (and not a moment too soon):
The Rhinoceros party is heading back into the political jungle by launching a $50-million lawsuit and making plans to run in its first Canadian election race in 17 years.
The party’s president, Brian (Godzilla) Salmi, said Tuesday he will run as a Rhino in the Sept. 17 federal byelection in Montreal’s Outremont riding.
Salmi, who has legally changed his name to Satan, is running on the promise to rename the country Nantucket if he’s elected.
Two words: Hail Satan!
Via The Vanity Press
Update 08/08: Liberal Catnip points to an article in today’s Globe that further outlines the Rhino party platform:
What they’ve promised
A dam on the St. Lawrence to make Montreal the Venice of North America;
A tax on milk to finance the appointment of Rhino followers to a new Ontario senate;
A 400-kilometre fishing limit to be drawn offshore in watercolour, to make sure the fish could see it and stay inside the Canadian boundary;
A Guaranteed Annual Orgasm through a network of regulated brothels;
To repeal the law of gravity (promised by Rhinos in 1984);
A proposal for free trade with the United States: “Trade Frank Zappa for Pierre Berton, Kermit the Frog for Lorne Greene, and we were prepared to put Anne Murray on the bargaining table.”
I’ve always maintained that the law of gravity is an egregious encroachment on personal liberty (kinda like mandatory seatbelt laws).
“ZOMG! You mean I get to act like the Canadian Reagan — on 9/11 day?! Cowboy swagger, WWII analogies (Chamberlain! Pearl Harbour! Churchill! Truman! FDR! Hitler!), no end but victory, remaining vigilant as
reality the existentially-threatening Islamofascist boxcutter brigade continues hatin’ teh freedumz — the whole nine yards?
“F’n sweet, man! Hey, d’ya think afterwards I can take a ride in a kangaroo’s pouch? John? John…?”
by Isabel LaCoeur
Obviously, sexual assault is a huge problem in the US military. But this is probably one of the most unbelievable cases I have heard of in the past while. An Air Force enlisted woman who was gang-raped by three fellow airmen but then opted not to testify at a court martial due to stress and harassment, is now being accused of committing indecent acts with the three men involved. That’s right. The rape victim is now a criminal, and may have to register as a sex offender for the rest of her life.
But it gets worse.
The three men have been offered fucking IMMUNITY in return for testifying against their victim. Airmen Russell J. Basile, Airman 1st Class Jerrell W. Apache, and Airman Rotez J. Butler are not only not being punished for gangraping Airman 1st Class Cassandra M. Hernandez, but they are being rewarded for making HER the sex offender!
This is fucking SICKENING.
And, of course, this is all her fault to begin with, since she was apparently wearing “revealing clothing” and dancing in a “promiscuous way”. So OBVIOUSLY she was asking for it! (insert exaggerated and furious eyeroll here)
And the pièce de résistance, she still has to WORK around these assholes.
What’s more, the men who were accused and still work on the same base as Hernandez.
“I can’t go anywhere without wondering if they are going to be there,” said Hernandez.
This story makes me so angry, I can’t even see straight.